


she is mine and i am hers through seasons all

by whyyesitscar



Category: Captain Marvel (2019), Wonder Woman (2017)
Genre: F/F, listen it's never going to happen but we can dream right
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-09 11:58:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18916528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whyyesitscar/pseuds/whyyesitscar
Summary: When Maria asks she’ll say she was aiming for Louisiana—and she was—but somewhere on her path she hit an asteroid and was too tired to course-correct. That’s the day Carol learns she can skip over water like a stone if she falls fast enough, and the day she crashes a crater into an unfamiliar beach./or: carol fights amnesia with diana and her trusty lasso





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> idk you guys, i saw a post on tumblr and farted this one out three days later, so. who even knows what it is other than somewhat of a fever dream. title lyrics from "love radiates around" by the roches and excerpt from peter gabriel's cover of "the book of love".
> 
> also for anyone who wanted to nitpick: the DCEU wiki tells me batfleck took up the mantle in '94, so it's feasible diana was at least aware of him by this fic. you're all welcome to highlight any other errors, have fun doing it, come yell at me on [tumblr.](https://itcameuponamidnightqueer.tumblr.com/)
> 
> please enjoy!

_the book of love is long and boring;_  
_no one can lift the damn thing._  
_it's full of charts and facts and figures_  
_and instructions for dancing._  
_(but i, i love it when you read to me)_

/

She finds the island by accident.

It’s been almost a year since she left with Talos and the rest of the Skrulls, and Carol has been hard at work resisting the Kree and scouting for sanctuary planets. It’s exhausting, honestly; planting the seeds of rebellion and relying on trusted sources to sabotage the Kree from the inside means she hasn’t really felt any kind of victory yet, and that’s not even taking into consideration the ships and troops Yon-Rogg continues to send after her. There are times where Carol knows the only reason she remembers how to stand up is because she has fire under her skin.

She’s making her way back home to Earth for some much needed rest and relaxation after a particularly hard battle with about a dozen Starforce ships. Carol triumphed eventually but it hurt _a lot_ and took a particular toll on her ability to navigate through galaxies and jump points. When Maria asks she’ll say she was aiming for Louisiana—and she _was_ —but somewhere on her path she hit an asteroid and was too tired to course-correct.

That’s the day Carol learns she can skip over water like a stone if she falls fast enough, and the day she crashes a crater into an unfamiliar beach.

She closes her eyes just for a moment, relishing in the warmth of the sun. Carol hopes this is Earth—she’s pretty sure it is—but even that is a problem that can be addressed after a few quiet moments.

The quiet doesn’t last very long, and the next time Carol opens her eyes, she sees four women in leather arming pointing spears at her face.

“Oh, shit,” she grumbles. “Listen, I really don’t need another fight right now.” Carol shifts onto her side, pushing herself up with her elbow, and suddenly those spears are a lot closer. She rolls her eyes and pauses for a moment before propelling herself sideways with a few photon blasts, far enough out of their reach. She thinks again and decides to hover a little in as non-threatening a way as she can manage.

"Can you lower your spears?" she calls down.

"Come back to the ground," one of the women answers.

"I think I'm good up here for a little. Maybe we can talk this out."

"How did you find us?"

"I didn't, I just...ended up here." None of them believe her, if their glares are any indication. She doesn't blame them. "Hey, by the way, where is here?"

"We aren't foolish enough to answer that question."

"Am I at least on Earth?"

"Of course," one of them answers, looking at Carol as if she is foolish enough to believe there are other options.

She's about to ask another question when one of the women steps forward. Her spear isn't pointed as high as the others and she carries more equipment; her armor is fitted and more refined. If the situation were different, Carol might take time to appreciate the view.

"Do you know Bruce Wayne?" she calls up.

"No. Should I?"

"Have you heard of New York?"

"Sure. Even been there a few dozen times."

The woman considers her for a moment before lowering her spear; her companions reluctantly follow her lead. Carol waits just a few extra seconds before floating to the ground.

"I am Diana of Themyscira," the woman offers.

"Carol Danvers," she replies, shaking the outstretched hand. "Of... Louisiana, I guess."

Diana smiles. It changes her face entirely and Carol feels herself relax, against her better judgment. "You are American, then. It's been a while since our last American visitor."

"Okay."

Diana ushers her forward, a strong hand at her back. It takes Carol more than a few moments to get used to being on this side of the gesture. The instinct to prove her chivalry is suddenly very strong, but Carol has a feeling she might lose to a six-foot warrior. At the very least, they're evenly matched.

"Let's talk with my mother," Diana says, and Carol can only follow with tired feet and a crinkle in her brow.

/

It isn't hard to accept that the Amazons of Greek legend are real and living on a hidden island, not when Carol herself should be impossible. She's mostly just impressed with their ability to stay isolated and relatively unknown in this modern world.

After meeting with Hippolyta and convincing her that she wasn't an actionable threat, Carol followed Diana to hot springs and eventually a stately room for rest and recuperation. The longer she spends in Diana's company, the more she misses Maria.

"Your powers are extraordinary," Diana says, draped gracefully across a daybed.

"Yeah, you know, I guess if I was gonna get stuck with any powers, these aren't so bad to have."

Diana furrows her brow. "Have you not always had them?"

Carol shakes her head. "No, there was an accident and a big explosion a couple of years ago. Before then I was just a regular old human."

"There are no regular humans," Diana smiles.

Carol can't help smiling back. "Come visit small-town Louisiana and you might change your mind."

"I would love to," she says earnestly, and for a moment Carol believes her.

"What about you? You've always had your abilities?"

"Yes, though I didn't know it for a long time." Diana looks at her for a long moment, appraising her so intently that Carol stops trying to massage the knots out of her feet. "We should spar sometime," she suggests.

Carol shrugs. "Doing anything now?"

/

They're fighting for a few minutes before Diana successfully snares Carol with her lasso. It stops Carol dead in her tracks—not because it's particularly painful or difficult to escape, but because Carol feels it shift something in her brain. She's still in control of her mind and body, but there is a nugget of space behind her temple that feels uncomfortably uninhibited. Carol has spent a year fighting to live on her own terms but if Diana manipulated this new feeling, Carol knows she wouldn't be able to resist.

Diana capitalizes on the momentary pause and uses the lasso to pull Carol closer, her arm up and blocking her face. "Are you scared?" she prods.

"No," Carol answers, faster and with more force than she was ready for.

"Who are you?"

"Carol Danvers, Earth's protector."

Diana lets out a hearty laugh and tugs the lasso off of Carol's arm. "You are definitely no regular human."

"Yeah, well, that's no regular lasso," Carol huffs. "What the fuck _is_ that thing?"

"A useful tool. It compels whoever it touches to tell the truth."

Something tickles at the back of Carol's mind, fuzzy and fluttering. "It always works?"

"Of course."

“Huh.”

/

She flies away from Themyscira the next day with a promise to return, maybe, someday. Carol thinks about the lasso the entire flight up, if its power is really as expansive and all-encompassing as it seems. Carol thinks about Talos and his memory machine, wonders if he would be offended that a piece of rope can do a better job.

Somewhere around the mesosphere, Carol turns around.

The barrier around the island puts up a little resistance but Carol moves through it easily, whether by ability or sheer determination. She doesn’t crash this time; she actually does a few loops until one of the Amazons takes pity on her and tells her where Diana is. Carol lands with purpose and a thumping heart.

“Is this what you call someday?”

Carol paces, hand scratching at the back of her neck. “When the explosion happened, I was abducted and my captors buried all of my memories, and I spent six years in space believing I didn’t have a history. But I’m back now and I—there are people who know me more than I know them, only it shouldn’t be that way, and I know that I can fix it if I dig deep enough.”

“With what?”

Carol points to the loop at Diana’s hip. “I was kind of thinking that.”

“My lasso?”

“My whole story is long and complicated and maybe I can explain it to you one day, but I’m kind of getting my memories back. And I know everything would be a lot easier if I could do that faster, only I don’t know how to separate what’s real from what’s just...a dream.”

Carol watches Diana soften, the curious tilt of her head melting to a sympathetic gaze **.** She walks forward and takes Carol’s hands; her skin runs almost as warm as Carol’s does.

“Where do you live in Louisiana?’ she pries softly.

“I actually don’t know the name of the town,” Carol admits with a sheepish grin. “I haven’t been back in a while, and I didn’t think to ask the first time.”

“Do you live alone?”

“No, I—’live’ is putting it generously; I stay with my best friend and her daughter when I can.”

“Did you meet her daughter before you disappeared?”

“If we hadn’t lost so much time Maria and I would have known each other for almost fifteen years by now. Monica was five when my accident happened.”

Diana smiles. “I’m sure you spoiled her.”

“You’ve never seen a kid so loved,” Carol laughed. “Maria brought her over three days after they got home from the hospital and as soon as I held her, that was it.”

“When was that?”

“June seventeenth, 1983. Monica yawned the second Maria put her in my arms. I remember thinking that I never knew a sleeping baby could make me cry so much; I thought it would have been the other way around.”

Diana steps away with a smile, and Carol can feel the lasso slip from between their hands as she does. Surprise that she hadn’t noticed it in the first place gives way to delight that it works.

“You’ll come back,” Diana says, though it feels a little like an order.

Carol nods and takes off again.

She makes it to Louisiana in record time.

/

_“You’ve spent the last year in space?”_

_“The last seven, actually, with a few days back here.”_

_“I can’t imagine how wonderful that must have been.”_

_Carol shrugs. “It didn’t feel wonderful. It didn’t feel anything, really.” The lasso tightens around her thigh immediately. She almost reaches down to pull at it before remembering that this is why she’s here; this is the lasso doing its job. Instead, she threads her fingers behind her head and leans back against the hill. “It felt, I felt—lonely,” she corrects. “Lonely and unfinished.”_

_“Because of the memories they took from you?”_

_“The memories, sure,” Carol nods. “But I kinda think a little bit of me went with them, too.”_

**.**

_“Stop fighting it, Carol.”_

_“I’m not fighting it,” she says between labored breaths. “I just don’t remember. I’m trying very hard.”_

_“You’re trying to force it. You always remember the most when you relax.”_

_“The way this is going, I kind of feel like this isn’t something I want to remember.”_

_“And yet here it is anyway, trying to make itself known.”_

_“You know, it’s really unfair that you can be so hot and infuriatingly righteous at the same time.”_

_“You’re going to cut off your circulation soon.”_

_“I’m fine with testing that.”_

_Diana takes pity on her instead and pulls the lasso back, coiling it at her hip. “Where are you right now?” she pries softly._

_“A...hangar? The barracks? Somewhere big and empty.”_

_“This isn’t something you have to get right, Carol. We can take a break.”_

_“No, no; I got this. Let’s keep going.”_

_“What are you trying to find?”_

_Carol sighs and blows a strand of hair away from her face._

_“One of these days, I’m going to come home whole.”_

/

Carol goes back to Themyscira every couple of months, which is more often than she was planning. But the memories are coming faster these days and with every batch she gets, Carol feels more unsure of herself. She jots down remnants and images that linger, first in Kree glyphs that are still instinctive, and then English when she has time to translate. Her dream notebook is tattered and small when she hands it to Diana for what have turned into their pseudo-therapy sessions.

It’s almost an addiction at this point, the thrill of discovery she feels every time they meet.

Diana is a charming conversationalist and after a while, Carol sometimes finds herself visiting just to see her. They take walks and talk; Carol learns almost every inch of the island. Occasionally, if they walk at night, Carol finds the lasso wrapped around her wrist, hanging in the gap between their bodies like a leash. She prefers to think of it as a tether.

“Do you always visit Maria when you’re done here?” Diana asks one night as they sit on the beach, listening to the push and pull of the waves.

Carol checks her wrist before answering. “Of course.”

Diana hums, skeptical, and shifts next to her. Carol prepares herself for the rope but Diana simply scoots closer and rests her hand on Carol’s. Sand sticks to her leg from the movement.

“I’ve hidden on this island for almost eighty years. I make trips out sometimes much like you, just to keep an eye on things. But I lost someone very dear to me in the Great War and nothing really seemed to get better, so I stopped trying to force it.” She smiles, joy lighting up the whole of her face. “You make it very tempting to try again.”

“Me?” Carol blurts. “I’m not doing anything to help this planet.”

“Maybe not, but you remind me of someone. You have the same kind of reckless conviction.”

“Stab in the dark, but is that the same someone you lost?”

“Yes.”

Carol almost resists the urge to rest her head on Diana’s shoulders. But it’s late and she’s tired, and she knows how much it hurts to love and yearn for a memory. Anyway, it isn’t too far to lean down. Carol almost feels like she fits.

Diana curls her hand fully around Carol’s, twining their fingers together. In an instant, the beach changes. Carol is here with DIana, the breeze loud in her ears and the air heavy with promise between them. But she is also on Maria’s ranch; in a hangar; on the rail to visit the Supreme Intelligence. Images flash by like billboards on the highway and Carol desperately turns around to catch them before they disappear.

_(—stargazing with Monica in the backyard of a house that Maria didn’t own yet, when it still belonged to her uncle—_

_—the first time she flew, how her heart flipped in the moment and spilled out later, crying into Maria’s neck at the wonder of it all—_

_—Lawson in her office, Goose guarding the door and Hank Williams crackling from the radio—_

_—Maria, smiling from the cockpit, her helmet a halo—_

_—Maria, bathed in sunlight, sweat shining on her strong arms as she fixes an engine—_

_—Maria, rolling her eyes as Carol swipes syrup onto her cheek at ten o’clock on a perfect Sunday morning.)_

Carol jerks upright, breathing deeply. Her eyes dart frantically around the beach. Diana stands up slowly and brushes sand from her skirt.

She extends a hand to Carol and pulls her up.

“I would have kissed you,” Diana says.

“I would have let you. Except, you know. Those pesky memories.” She goes in for a hug instead.

Diana squeezes her shoulder with a comforting hand. “Bring Maria with you next time. I would love to meet her.”

“Oh, you’re getting the whole Rambeau clan one of these days. We might not even leave.”

“We’ll see about that.”

Diana sends her off with a wave and a smile. Carol hovers for a moment, looking down with a full heart and weighing the side effects of flying home at the speed of light.

She tones it down and only lands in the backyard an hour later. Maria will forgive her the crater, or maybe they can turn it into a pool.

The back door flies open and Monica comes hurtling out, tumbling into the pit where Carol is still laying.

“You’re back! Did you know it was dinner time or was that just lucky?”

Carol sits up and pulls Monica in for a hug. “Well, I definitely didn’t know, but maybe my stomach did; I’m starving.” It grumbles on cue and Monica laughs. Carol leans forward and gestures for Monica to climb on her back. “Come on, let’s go bug your mom until she lets me have a plate or three.”

Maria, as it turns out, doesn’t need a lot of convincing.

/

A storm crackles and breaks about an hour later. Maria hurries outside to make sure the shed is closed, every scrap of metal locked away, while Monica clears the table. Carol stands at the window and watches the sky.

She misses weather when she’s in space, summer rain and whistling winds and deafening booms of thunder. Carol only ever seems to find sand on other planets. Sand is ubiquitous and lingering.

“I should have made you go out there,” Maria says as she rushes back in. “All that rain would probably steam right off of you.”

“I’ll get it next time,” Carol grins. “Here, don’t move. You’re dripping all over the place.”

She jogs over to the kitchen. “Hey, Trouble, throw me a towel, will you?”

Monica holds up the one she’s using to dry the dishes. “They’re all dirty.”

“Well then, run up and get one from the closet.” She checks a smile at the way Monica rolls her eyes, just a little bit. “You’ve got a teenager, that’s for sure.”

“We do, yeah,” Maria smiles back. Carol almost misses it.

“Here you go.” Monica returns and tosses Carol a bath towel. “I’ll be in my room.” She puts on a pair of headphones and walks back upstairs.

“Don’t you have homework to do?”

“It’s summer, Auntie Carol,” Monica calls back.

“I remember doing homework in summer,” Carol grumbles.

“You do?” Maria asks, drying off her hair.

“Sure. I think. They used to give us packets and stuff.”

“Second-graders get summer packets,” Maria chuckles. “Not fourteen-year-olds.”

“Second-grader, teenager. Basically the same thing.”

Carol smiles as she follows Maria to the kitchen, absent anything else to do. She’s teasing about Monica but not completely—it feels like Monica is every age when Carol comes back, she’s missed so much. One of these days it might look like she and Monica are the same age, but Carol will always feel like she’s playing catch-up.

“You want a beer?” Maria asks, already pulling out two bottles.

“Thanks.”

“So where were you this time?”

“Closer than usual, actually. I, um, I wanted to talk to you about...some things.”

“Your memories.”

“Sure, those too.” Maria quirks an eyebrow, leaning against the counter with her arms crossed. Carol takes it as her cue to continue. “Well, I was just talking with a friend and it got me thinking about—about home, and Talos, and everything I’m trying to do with the Skrulls.”

“Okay.”

“I won’t promise anything now but I think I’m gonna have some free time coming up. Like, a good chunk of it.”

Maria clenches her jaw but her eyes are hopeful; Carol doesn’t know which to trust more. “Weeks?” she asks, tentative and quiet.

“Months, even.”

Maria sighs and there is nothing uncertain about her smile. “Okay, so what’s got you thinking so hard?”

Carol twists the skin around her middle finger. “There aren’t a lot of things that belong to me right now. Sometimes I don’t even think I do. But I never feel like that here; I feel like I fit with you and Monica, and I know we never really...jumped, necessarily, before my accident—”

“Carol, hold on,” Maria interrupts, waving a hand. “I need you to back up a bit. You’re floating, by the way.”

“What?” Carol looks down and finds that indeed, her feet are at least three inches above the ground. “Wow, I didn’t know I worked like that.”

Maria laughs, pulls her gently back down with warm, steady fingers. She rubs her thumb across the back of Carol’s hand and Carol almost breaks right there.

She takes a long, deep breath instead. “Talos is pretty much in charge of rounding up stranded Skrulls while I take care of the Kree. But every once in a while, there’s a dicey situation and he calls me in just in case things go south, just in case there’s a chance he might not get everyone out on his own.” Carol looks down, focuses on the circles Maria is drawing into her skin. “I see you and Monica in every refugee we save, and especially the ones we don’t.”

“Carol…”

She shakes her head. “It’s fine; don’t worry about it too much. I just mean that—watching Talos with his family every day reminds me how far away I am from mine. You and I waited so long; we never took that leap before the accident. But if you’re ready to”—and she looks at Maria again, trying to put every sliver of honesty she’s ever felt into her eyes—”if you’re ready to, so am I.”

“If I’m ready to jump with you?” Carol nods. “Baby, every time you’re home I’m ready to fucking fly.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Maria grins. “God, Carol, what took you so long?”

Carol laughs and buries her face in Maria’s shoulder, leaning forward with all of her weight. Maria catches her easily, wraps her in strong arms the same way she always has when Carol’s needed her. (Carol always needs her.)

“I dream about you all the time,” Carol admits, her words muffled by Maria’s shirt.

“Me, too.”

“You dream about yourself?” Maria’s hand moves from its resting place at the small of Carol’s back to pinch at her side. “Remember when Monica spit up on the stuffing at her first Thanksgiving?” She takes Maria’s laugh as a yes. “Your mom was so mad but she couldn’t say anything; who gets mad at a baby?”

“ _She_ got mad? She broke my casserole dish twenty minutes later; I was ready to fight.”

“I could have kissed you right there.”

“If I break a couple of these plates, will you kiss me right now?”

Carol almost doesn’t, half out of spite and half because she’s so comfortable nestled into the crook of her neck. But she’s never been able to say no to Maria, and certainly not when this has been brewing for at least ten years. So she leans back, wipes the tears from Maria’s beautiful eyes and smiles when Maria does the same for her. She kisses Maria soft and sure and fights the urge to laugh when Maria responds with enough strength to back her into the stove. Carol wraps her arms around Maria’s neck and lets the control knob for the burner dig into her back. She can’t feel anything except the comfort of Maria’s mouth.

“Jesus, how fucking stupid were we?” she pants, leaning her forehead against Maria’s.

“For not doing this sooner?”

“Yeah.”

“Couldn’t care less. Kiss me again.”

“Okay.”

/

They get to bed too late, after actually almost breaking a couple of plates. Monica’s light is still on and Carol wants to knock and say goodnight, scold her for staying up too late like parents are supposed to do. But Maria’s hair is messy, her smile wide and her lips swollen, and Carol, simply put, is enchanted.

“Who’s your friend?” Maria asks as she sits on the bed and tugs off her socks.

“What?”

“The one you were talking to about your memories. I thought your only friends were either trying to kill you or hiding from the people trying to kill you.”

Carol laughs and pushes Maria over. “You’re a riot. It’s kind of crazy, actually,” she answers. “You might not believe me.”

Maria rolls her eyes. “I know you didn’t just say that to me, Captain Marvel.”

“Captain _what?_ ”

It’s Maria’s turn to laugh at the look on Carol’s face. “Believe it or not, that’s what S.H.I.E.L.D. calls you these days.”

“You’re shitting me.”

Maria shakes her head. “Fury let it slip once; I haven’t let it go since. I think he came up with it.”

“That fucker. It’s Mar- _Vell_ ,” she grumbles.

Maria twines their fingers together, swinging their hands until Carol lets herself get pulled down to the bed. “Who’s your kind-of-crazy friend?” she repeats.

“Two years ago I crash-landed on a hidden island in the middle of the ocean where the Amazons live—they’re real, by the way—and met the daughter of their leader, and she’s definitely a superhero who carries a lasso that makes whoever it touches tell the truth, so I go back every couple of months and we’ve been using it to help me get my memories back.”

Carol expects to see raised eyebrows or an open mouth, any indication that Maria is surprised despite her determination not to be. What she gets instead is a clenched jaw and steely eyes.

“Two years ago,” Maria says, low and short.

“Yeah, I—it was after that first really big battle; I clipped an asteroid and found them on accident.”

“You could have asked, you know.”

“For what? Permission to visit Themyscira?”

Maria levels her with a spectacular glare. “Carol, we’re your family. Is there anything you wouldn’t do for us?”

“No.”

“Is there anything we could ask for that you would say no to?”

“No.”

“Do you think I feel any differently about you?”

“No.”

Maria takes Carol’s hands in both of hers and squats in front of her. “So why go to someone else to help you remember? You could have asked.”

Carol blushes, tucks a lock of hair behind Maria’s ear. “You’ve picked me up too many times, Maria.”

“And what, you think there’s a limit; that one day I might reach my quota?”

“It’s a lot to ask of one person.”

“Yeah,” Maria nods, “it is. And here I am emphatically saying yes, right now and for the rest of our lives.”

The instinct to pull her up for a kiss is immediate; Carol slips her hands underneath Maria’s shirt and rests them at her hips, slides them up her spine. She could cry at the warmth of Maria’s back, the safety and resolution in her shoulders.

“We could get married somewhere else in the galaxy,” Carol says, her eyes closed. “There are lots of places smarter than this dumb planet.”

“You’re saying this now?”

“I’m _saying_ it now. Been thinking it for years.”

Maria kisses the words right out of her.

“I’ve wanted to marry you ever since the first time I saw you with Monica,” Carol confesses when they pull away. “You were beautiful, tired and nervous and holding this unbelievably tiny baby and I thought, ‘Oh, well—this is it, then.’ I just want to make sure that you know you always have someone in your corner.”

“You’re infuriating, you know?” Maria looks up at her and smooths a hand over Carol’s cheek. “All of that is coming right back at you, baby; I’m all in. I need you to know that.” She rests a hand over Carol’s heart. “I need you to feel that.”

Carol swallows the lump in her throat and nods. “Okay,” she eventually says, squeakier than she’ll ever admit.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“Okay,” Maria hums. “Let’s sleep.”

/

They don’t go to another planet after all.

A year later, Carol and Maria get married on a sandy, sunny beach, hands joined with a golden rope as they say their vows.


	2. oh, your love is sunlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **me:** okay, clearly you need to write the bit where monica and maria geek out over the amazons bc you kind of cheated everyone last chapter  
>  **also me:** writes this instead  
>  **me:** well, i guess this is a whole thing now!!
> 
> (who knows how much more i'll write or how often i'll come back, but i think it's pretty clear that i will be coming back here because it's just too good.) i have at least one more chapter in me bc lololol i still haven't gotten where i wanted to go, but everyone was so nice about the first chapter that i had to continue! genuinely, thank you so much for the wonderful response; i can only hope to live up to it.
> 
> lyrics are from "sunlight" by hozier (because of course), and please: enjoy!

_each day you rise with me, know that I would gladly be_  
_the Icarus to your certainty._  
_oh my sunlight, sunlight, sunlight—_  
_strap the wing to me; death-trap clad, happily_  
_with wax melted i'd meet the sea_  
_under sunlight._

/

“Mom, come on; I’m too old for this stuff.”

“I’m not saying you have to participate, just that you have to come with. I’m not showing up to a family gathering without some family.”

“Everyone’s gonna ask me about school and I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Well, then there’s always the egg hunt,” Maria retorts, a little too sweet and sing-songy.

“Uggghhhh.”

Carol swallows a laugh as she listens to Maria and Monica. The argument reminds her of her teenage years, only without the actual malice.

She’s been hiding around the corner for a few minutes now, waiting for the perfect moment to make her entrance. But the more she comes back, the less momentous her entrances become. One of these days, Maria and Monica will barely bat an eye. Carol can’t wait.

“I have a suggestion,” she says, swinging around the doorframe.

Maria’s eyes soften and Monica immediately rushes forward.

“Thank _god_ ,” she huffs. “Tell Mom I can hang out with you instead of going to this stupid Easter party.”

“I don’t think I can do that, but I do know where we can go after that you might find a lot cooler.”

“Space?!”

Carol laughs and fights the urge to ruffle Monica’s hair. There are some things she’s getting a little old for. “Somewhere on this planet, unfortunately. How about a long weekend in Themyscira?”

“You mean the invisible island that’s impossible to find?” Maria deadpans.

“The invisible island that’s impossible to find unless _someone_ already knows where it is. I can do all the navigating.”

Maria seems to consider it for a moment, even though Carol knows she’s already made up her mind. She’s been wanting to meet Diana ever since Carol spilled the beans about her visits. This performance is purely for Monica’s sake.

“I think we can do that,” she finally says. Monica pumps a victorious fist and hugs her mom.

Carol’s all smiles, too. “Great, I’ll just pop over and let Diana know we’re coming, and I’ll be all ready when you guys get back.”

“You can let Diana know when _we_ get back. Go put on some regular clothes; we’re leaving in half an hour.”

“Maria.”

“It’s a family get-together—I’m bringing my family.”

“Okay, but I’m so”—she feigns a yawn and spares a moment in the middle to glare at Monica, who’s cackling smugly—”I’m so tired from the flight and I could really use a few hours of rest.”

“You can rest on the way to Themyscira.”

Carol rolls her eyes and waits. Uselessly, she knows, but she’ll always try. “I hate these things,” she grumbles. Monica tries to sneak past on her way to her room but Carol puts an arm out. “You!” she says, poking anywhere within reach on Monica’s torso. “This is all your fault.” Monica tries to push her away in between peals of laughter, but Carol is too strong.

“Y’all can sit by yourselves when we get there, but we’re going.” Maria heads for the bedroom, leaning down for a kiss as she passes Carol. “Glad to have you home,” she murmurs.

Monica makes a face. “Gross.” Carol pokes her again.

“I don’t even have to go to Themyscira; I can clean the house while you two go to the party,” Carol tries one more time.

“Twenty nine minutes,” Maria calls back.

“Damn it.”

/

“You better not be fucking with me, Carol.”

“Mom!”

“I’m all kinds of serious right now; you’re asking me to fly into nothing.”

Carol stifles a laugh from her co-pilot seat and reaches over to grasp Maria’s hand. “I promise this is gonna work. You think I’d knowingly put you and Monica in danger?”

“I guess not,” Maria grumbles. “How close are we?”

“We’re about to cross through; you probably want to start slowing her down.”

Maria spares enough time to give Carol a look that clearly says _Don’t tell me how to fly my plane._ This time, Carol can’t help smiling.

There’s a shudder as the jet passes through the barrier. Maria gasps and Monica unbuckles her seatbelt, getting up and looping her arms around the back of Carol’s chair to get a closer look. Carol would reprimand her but sometimes you just can’t ruin the moment. Instead, she reaches up and holds onto Monica’s elbows.

“This is so _cool_ ,” Monica breathes **.**

“Just wait until we land.”

Maria cocks her head in the direction of the beach, pointing out the dozen or so Amazons waiting for them. “Quite the welcome party,” she says. Carol can hear the suspicion immediately.

“Don’t worry about it,” she placates, “they don’t even have their spears this time.”

“ _This_ time?”

“They’re all old-fashioned heroes, Maria. This literally is a welcoming party.”

Maria lands, her skeptical glare never leaving Carol’s face until the jet touches down.

“Show off,” Carol smirks.

“You know it,” Maria replies, just as smug.

“You’ll fit right in, then.”

The bridge takes a few moments to unfold, giving Carol time for last-minute reassurances. She threads her fingers with Maria’s, smoothing her thumb across the back of her hand, and pulls Monica to her other side. Monica is practically buzzing with excitement but Maria looks grateful for the calming gesture.

“We good?”

Maria inhales, sets her shoulders, and gives Carol’s hand a squeeze. “Yep.” She puts on her most intimidating face and walks forward while the bridge is still descending.

Carol can’t _wait_ for her to meet Diana.

/

Diana smiles just as heartily at Maria’s scowl as she does at Monica’s enthusiasm. She leads them to Carol’s usual room; Carol watches Maria immediately clock all of the traces of Carol that linger here. A single tattered glove, a ledge punched into the wall ten feet above the actual window. She does a double take at the communicator left on a bedside table.

“Would you like a tour of the island?” Diana asks.

Monica beats both of them to an answer. “Are there Amazons training right now? Can we watch?” she blurts.

Carol shrugs and looks to Maria.

“As long as all you do is _watch_ ,” she warns.

Monica pumps a fist in victory and races out the door, not paying attention to the fact that she doesn’t know where she’s going. Diana holds up a hand and, with a confident “I’ve got it”, jogs after her.

Maria waits until they’re both out of earshot before she starts to follow them.

“You left her a pager?” she asks quietly, hands stuffed in her pockets.

“To be fair, I gave you one first,” Carol chuckles nervously. It gets a small smile, so Maria must not be too mad. “And I don’t call her nearly as often as I call you and Monica.”

“But you do call her.”

“Well, sure. It’s not—if you’re thinking—”

“I’m not,” Maria says quickly.

“Okay.” Carol waits. “If you’re not, then where’s your head at?”

Maria smiles and scratches the back of her neck. “It’s hard,” she says quietly, “to have you back and still know that there are parts of you I can’t reach.”

“Oh.” Carol takes a chance and reaches for Maria’s hand, grinning when she isn’t rebuffed. “I get that. And I wish I could say that maybe those wouldn’t exist one day, but I think they always will.”

“They don’t have to.”

“But they do,” Carol presses. She throws up her hands when Maria immediately opens her mouth to argue. “Hold on, hold on. Let me try to explain what I mean.”

“Okay.”

She sighs and finds Maria’s hand again, looking resolutely ahead of her and definitely not at the beautiful woman by her side. “It kills me,” she says, concentrating on keeping her voice even, “that there will always be a part of Monica that isn’t mine. I have more love for that kid than I even knew one person could feel, but I know it’s not even close to how much you love her. I never really put any stock in the importance of blood relationships because my whole family was a garbage dump. Every time I see you with Monica, I wish I had that kind of connection.”

“Carol, you know she loves you so much.”

“I know,” Carol nods. “But that hole is always gonna be there, and it’s—” She takes a breath, swallows back a flood of tears, and stops. They’ve reached the training grounds; Carol can see Diana pointing out warriors and weapons to an enthralled Monica. Maria follows her gaze and mimics her smile.

“We were separated for six years, Maria, and I didn’t just forget the two of you. I didn’t know anything about myself, I didn’t know how I used to laugh or talk or just _be_ around people. Maybe life on Hala would have been different if I hadn’t spent all of my time training with Starforce, but I’ll never know. The rest of my team were nice enough but I’m glad I get to learn how to have a friend again.”

Carol leads Maria over to a grassy ledge that overlooks the training arena. She spots Monica amongst the warriors, wooden spear in hand, and turns Maria’s back to the crowd. She can worry about their kid in a minute.

“Diana told me a little bit about her past, how she fought with American and British soldiers in World War I. It changed her a lot and she’s been hiding here ever since, and I get that. I’ve seen and done enough shit to understand that impulse. So when I’m lonely and sad in space and I call her from the middle of nowhere, it’s always so she can remind me that I don’t want to end up the same way.” She brushes a lock of hair from Maria’s face. “Okay?”

Maria nods, kissing her palm, her knuckles, her wrist. “Okay,” she whispers.

“Okay. Now, don’t yell at me, but we’re going to have to go rescue Philippus.”

“From what?”

“Monica.”

“What?” Maria whips around and finds Monica immediately, who’s listening intently as Philippus shows her how to set her stance.

“Monica!” she yells, striding forward with a brisk step. “You have _got_ to be kidding me!”

It’s a testament to Maria’s strength that Philippus immediately stills and four Amazons in the vicinity stop just as suddenly.

God, Carol loves her.

/

Diana joins them on the beach at sunset, sitting next to Carol, a respectable amount of sand in between them.

“How long are you staying?” she asks quietly. “My mother would like to have a feast.”

“Spring break lasts for a week,” Maria answers. “We can stay a couple of days.”

“Spring break?”

“A week off of school,” Carol explains. “I think it started for some religious reason but I’m pretty sure now it’s just for the teachers’ sake.”

“We don’t even have to go back right away,” Monica suggests hopefully.

Maria laughs and pulls Monica to her side, pressing a kiss to her hair. “Yes, we do. I’m sure Diana and the Amazons have more important things to do than entertain us. Besides, what are you gonna do for more than a week here, hm?”

“Duh, train with Philippus and Diana and everyone else.”

Diana smiles and nods. “There is nothing more important than educating the next generation.”

“Are you always this honorable?” Maria grumbles.

“Yes,” Carol and Diana answer in unison.

“We’ll see about training,” Maria relents, laughing. “But you’re going to school on Monday.”

“Fiiiine.”

Carol smiles and loops her bare foot around Maria’s ankle, laughing when Maria digs her heel in deeper and kicks sand onto Carol’s toes. The ocean is blue on its way to black, shining under the stars. She doesn’t notice them when she’s in space, the stars, but they’re always beautiful from the ground, from the comfort of home. Carol feels more at peace right here than she has in years. She wonders if this is what she felt like before.

“My sisters will be overjoyed to train Monica,” Diana says. “We have not had a child on this island in almost a century.”

“I’m not a child,” Monica protests.

“You’re all children to me.”

From anyone else it would be condescending, but Diana only seems wistful. Carol wonders if that’s her future, guiding the world into new ages and eras. Maybe, in a few centuries, she’ll learn how to garden instead of defend.

But that’s a thought for another day. Carol scoots closer to Maria, wraps an arm around her waist and leans her head on the shoulder not occupied by Monica. She glances at Diana, smiling gratefully, and takes a deep breath. Wonder blooms in her chest at the simplicity of the night—a cool breeze; the steady, sibilant rhythm of the waves; Amazons laughing in the distance.

Carol feels about her family the way pilots feel about the sky.


End file.
